112. Why I Don't Trust Overly Nice People

You can't spell Insincerity without "sin" (which is an idiotic thing to say).

This one day, when I was a 5 year old in kindergarten, I was walking across the classroom, tripped on a lunch box and bashed my face on the corner of a desk.

I got myself a pretty bad cut and it was less than 1 inch from poking my eye out. Apparently the blood started flowing from the gash and began dripping down my face. Probably not the kind of sight you want to have in a kindergarten class.

Needless to say, I’m sure they ushered me away as quickly as possible. My mother was called and she took me to the doctor where I was given a bunch of stitches. I sat quietly and dry-eyed as the doctor sewed up my face.

It was when my mother and I got back into the car to go home that I started to cry.

She turned around to face me and asked, “Why are you just crying now? Why didn’t you cry when the doctor was fixing your face?” (editor’s note: the writer has taken creative liberty with the quote)

I took a big sniff, as 5-year olds tend to do when they want to really amp up the drama.

“I didn’t want to hurt his feelings,” I said between tears.

The Fine Line

Empathy is good. Caring for people is good. I’m sure it was cute as all get-up when I, this little blonde five year old with a big bandage covering his face, claimed I didn’t want to hurt the doctors feelings.

No wonder my mother has repeated that story countless times over the years. I’m sure it always elicits quite a few awwww’s.

But after years of self-analysis, I’ve concluded that I do not, in fact, believe I was being cute. To the contrary, dear friend, I am a bit disturbed with the five year old, car crying, bandaged-faced me.

What I did back then with the doctor was insincere and, frankly, borderline codependent. I hid my emotions to try and make him feel good. I was not honest or truthful with him and, in doing so, I was not honest or truthful with myself.

Yeah, maybe I’m being a little harsh on a five year old who just smashed his face into a desk and nearly went blind because some ignoramus left her Holly Hobby lunch box in the middle of the room.

But aside from that, there is a fine line between kindness and insincerity.

I Don’t Trust Overly Nice People

I don’t trust overly nice people. The actual term for them is Fake Nice People. FNPs. Not to be confused with Family Nurse Practitioners, who are most likely a friendly group of folk.

Fake Nice People are everywhere. I’m sure you know one or two. No matter what you do or say, they praise it. Any small, practically meaningless task you complete is highly lauded by them as a work of marvel. Every word out of their mouth is a clear attempt to get your approval.

I’ve never been good with Fake Nice People, starting with Jeanne in high school who bugged the living bejesus out of me with her non-stop false positivity.

Insincerity, I’ve come to realize, is a cape that fake nice people wear to hide their true selves. Show me a person who loves every little thing I do and I will show you someone who has something to hide.

Sincerity is a massively important characteristic for healthy interpersonal relationships.

It is built by honesty, compassion and vulnerability. Sincerity is arguably the most important personality trait to build trust. And, as it turns out, trust is the bedrock of strong relationships.

So what do you do about these Fake Nice People?

Is it just me that gets annoyed by them?

The only thing I’ve found that works best, is complete avoidance.

Oh, and if I saw the doctor again who stitched up my face, I would completely cry in his presence.