135. Learning The Lessons of Leadership

Sometimes learning happens when you least expect it. Sometimes it don't.

There are lots of learning moments in life. Some are as easy to recognize as being slapped across the face with an eel. Other learning moments, however, could take years before you finally realize the lesson.

I was seven years old, playing with my cousin and his friends. I didn’t know his friends all that well. But at some point, for reasons I still remain unclear, they all suddenly started making fun of me, like 7-year-old boys are want to do.

I looked to my cousin for support only to find him mocking me as well. I felt dejected. I cried. I’m not proud.

It took me thirty years to recognize the impact of that moment.

You see, it was when I saw my cousin joining in the mockery that I recognized the importance of fighting for those who are unfairly treated - even if it means taking a stand against the majority. It also built in me a reactivity towards those who betray the ones closest to them.

It took decades and multiple experiences for me to recognize the learnings that became embedded in my character back there, at the age of 7, during a seemingly harmless game of freeze tag.

Learning A Learning Moment In The Moment of Learning

A few years down the road, I was about eleven years old and talking to my mother. Actually, she was talking to me.

“Please do me a favor,” she said, seemingly out of the blue. “If I ever ask you to do something and I say you have to do it “because I’m your mother and I said so”, please let me know. I want to make sure you always understand the real reason I’m asking you to do things.”

I remember this moment quite vividly. I remember where I was standing and where she was sitting. I remember my feelings listening to her. I have absolutely no recollection of what occurred before or immediately thereafter, but I clearly remember her comment as if it were just last month.

In that 10 second period, I immediately understood the importance of explaining one’s actions. Since then, I have never forgotten that lesson.

I remember thinking “wow, that’s cool that my mom would say that. I really appreciate her for expressing that and feel like, in saying it, she is showing how much she truly appreciates me”.

So, in true 11 year old boy style, I said “K” then walked away.

I probably went into my room and shut the door, because that’s basically a kid’s job at that age. I was pretty good at my job.

I think of my mother’s comments often. Especially now, as a father. Due to that moment with my mother, I have never told my daughter to do something “because I am your father”.

The Leadership Lessons

I’m grateful for these leadership lessons we get as kids. Whether it takes seconds to understand, or years to formulate, the lessons are just as important to understand.

To this day, I try to give reasons - logical reasons - for my decisions. I stand up for those being treated unfairly. And I distance myself from those who heartlessly betray me or others.

Regardless of your role, great leadership is about respecting others. That respect is displayed in what you do and how you communicate.

Great leadership is about explaining your reasons and motivations, about helping others understand the goals and consequences, and then moving forward as a unified team.

Leadership isn’t a title, it’s a way of behaving. Even in parenting.