315. Inside The Mind Of Imposter Syndrome

I spent years battling Imposter Syndrome, molding myself into who I thought others wanted me to be. Then I realized it's a lot easier to just be me.

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I used to live my life as someone else.
Actually, I lived my life as everybody else.
I’d morph my personality into the shape of whomever I was trying to impress.
I just wanted to be liked.
I just wanted to fit in.

I kept changing who I was, into who I thought they wanted. I was proud of me, of how I could pretend to be whatever version they wanted to see.

But I spent so much time focusing on molding my outsides that I ignored all the turbulence within.

My smile was a facade, a face I painted to hide the frail foundation of my sad sense of self-worth.

My mind was my enemy.
I used to beat myself up for not being the person I thought people wanted me to be.
Nobody was ever harder on me than me.
I learned to live with episodes of self-hatred.
I lived with anxiety and fear.
I lived with the feeling of not fitting in when not fitting in was everything I tried to avoid.

Imposter Syndrome is an anxiety-raddled highwire artist tiptoeing through a storm cloud of fragility.

All it took was a small gust - an unnerving look, an off-putting comment - to topple my pride, falling face-first into the bottomless abyss of shame.

So I tried harder to be like the others. I tried harder to fit in.
I tried to mimic the behavior I saw them be.
I tried to be the person that was never really me.

But when you don’t know what you stand for, you’ll always end up falling in disgrace.

I remember the exact moment that everything changed.
I don’t remember where I was or when it happened, but I will never forget the sensation of sudden self-awareness.

I don’t want to call it an epiphany, but it was a life-changing moment. It is the marker that separates my Imposter Syndrome from everything after.

It was the sudden realization that my life was not being defined by me. I was playing the puppet to people’s perceptions of who they wanted me to be.

I decided to shed my skin.
I decided to change.
I was determined to be a leader that people could respect. And it started with respecting myself.

The day I decided to stop carrying the pack that was strapped to my back, bulging with the burden of disappointment, was the day I first felt free.

For the first time, I realized that to truly be liked I just had to be the real me.
I had to not care about the haters and not take offense at the imaginary thoughts I thought people were thinking.

I learned how to emerge from self-hatred and self-doubt. I learned how to untie the cowardice cloak of impostering.

I no longer need to be liked by others.
I don’t really care if they like me at all.
I no longer need to fit in.
I no longer mimic their behavior or try to be the flower on the wall that nobody sees.

You may laugh at me because I’m different, but that no longer brings me shame.

All I can do is be the best me that I can be. And maybe that’s not good enough for you. But maybe that’s ok with me.

I spend my days helping new leaders excel. I help them avoid the mistakes that I made along the way, and there were many. I guide them to transform themselves into the best version they could possibly be.

So if there’s one thing I hope for you, it’s that you begin your journey to be the person you want to be.

If you feel that you’re not good enough to be as good as them, if you fear that you’re not strong enough to stand up to your fears, I am here to tell you you’re wrong.

Because if I can be me, then you can be you.
Trust me, it’s true.

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Do you have Imposter Syndrome?

Let me know.
Email me or put a note in the comments.
All things you want to be kept confidential will be kept confidential

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